i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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