this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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