Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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