I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
