Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
