would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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