angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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