No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
