apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
