can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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