is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
