i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
