I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
