Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
