my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
