Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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