At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
