I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
