Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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