"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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