Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
