Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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