lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
