You're my little dorito
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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