i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If its not for food we ain't going out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
