I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
