Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
