Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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