guys are only as good as the porn they watch
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
