it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
