Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
