dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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