i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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