he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
