so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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