I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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