wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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