My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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