you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
