dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
