I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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