I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
