If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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