so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
