i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
