Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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