Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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