dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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