Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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