I am in a vortex of obligation.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
