I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
