you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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