I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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