what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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