I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
