At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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