haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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