I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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