what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
